Tuesday 12 July 2011

"Purchase," a fresh draft of a prose poem

Taken down after a few days, as usual....


  1. Anonymous10:21 am

    A lovely poem, Carrie, with lots of intrigue. I very much like the title with it's associated alternative meanings and feel the desire of having leverage and gaining a foothold a most fitting interpretation when I considered the content of the poem.
    I like how the poem conveys the struggle to maintain momentum, it feels as though much is weighing the passenger down (the oppressive weather, the shopping, the need to address matters at midnight's house).
    The use of incidental speech is interesting - I had attributed 'Could you press that, love?' to the infants at first, and it didn't seem fitting, like I expected the dialogue to relate to the shoe, rather than an anonymous request for the button to be pressed for the bus to stop.
    I found the scenario with midnight's house became clearer after several readings and realise it's a former home that's being returned to after dark, and you are in the process of clearing out the last items from the fridge - for a while, I had the expectation that the purchased items were destined for the fridge to help fill it, so perhaps this may be an area that needs a little more clarification.
    The poem is very satisfying in how meaning becomes clearer with further readings. I haven't even touched on the green shoe and the children, which will possibly be the most striking image to readers of the poem.
    I don't believe the poem needs much more done to it in the way of revision. Thank you for sharing it.
    Carole Humphreys

  2. Linda Black8:31 pm

    A few quick thoughts - I like the grasping, trying to catch hold of something that can't quite be got - I think that's handled well - a mind somewhat elsewhere/ a mood the speaker doesn't really want - the not quite connectedness - and the hoped for comfort from the items purchased ( wich might not be achieved). The interjections work well -the outside world impinging on the internal one ( but not enough to make a difference to the mood. I find the first and last sentences slightly long - a little explanatory? - not quite sharp enough? But I could be wrong!

  3. Thanks so much, Carole and Linda, for your thoughtful responses--I'll be considering them closely as I revise! Cheers!

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