Dear Katelyn,
This letter is to apologize on behalf of all of us Etters, because we have disappointed you. We failed you. There are reasons for that, but you deserve an apology nonetheless.
When Grandma and Grandpa Etter took you and your brother Alex into their home, they hoped to care for you until your mother had gone through detox for her addiction and was able to care for you again. It was strange when Grandpa suddenly started gaining weight, almost ten pounds a week! You must have seen that; someday you'll have to tell me what that was like. When, as you know, Grandpa had put on forty pounds in a month, all water weight apparently, he had to go into the hospital for a kidney biopsy, and that was when you and Alex went into foster care with T****.
I don't know if anyone ever told you, but I wanted to bring you both to England to live with me. I talked to the social worker, though, and she suggested it'd be impossible, given that I lived abroad--there would be legal difficulties. Besides that, I figured I shouldn't take you away from your cousins and other relatives; you would have been very lonely here, I'm afraid.
If I had known the kind of care--or rather, lack of--you and Alex would receive at T****'s, I think I would have tried to move back to Illinois for a while, until we could find a better arrangement. But I didn't know, and by the time we did, there wasn't anything we could do about it. As the social worker and T**** were friends, any complaints we made were ignored. I even wrote twice to the local paper in the hope that they'd investigate, but apparently they never did anything.
When the case against your mother was finished, and she was able to return to her husband, your stepfather, she had your youngest brother, Andrew, and took Alex home. She said she didn't think she could handle three kids. I hope she has apologized to you for this. That must have been very painful for you. I'm so sorry.
What a great thing that Aunt Laura and Uncle Reggie took you in! From what everyone says, you became part of the family straight away, becoming even closer to Lindsey and helping out with Justin and Nate. But since the time Grandpa died, Reggie's health has worsened, Justin was diagnosed with autism, and Nate has started showing similar symptoms. What a year the Etters have had! I can't tell you how hard it was for Aunt Laura and Uncle Reggie to come to the decision that they couldn't take care of you any longer; they wouldn't have been able to do it if they didn't know a great family was eager to have a girl just like you, and that you would be at the center of their lives.
And now you are living with, and are going to be adopted by, Joe and Shannon. I will have to say thank you to them a thousand times. At last you have your own room, you live close to school, and they are taking you to Wisconsin to meet more of their family. What a welcome! At last you are receiving the kind of attention and care we have all wanted for you, but couldn't provide ourselves.
I am so sorry, Katie, for all you've been through in the last few years, more emotional trauma than many people go through in their life times. I am so sorry I couldn't do more to make your life better when you needed it most. Please forgive us for what we couldn't or didn't do. We love you so very much.
Love always,
Aunt Carrie
I decided to make this letter public in part because it seems to strengthen the declarations in the letter and in part because a friend recently asked me what she might tell her sister and brother-in-law (whom I associate with Shannon and Joe above) who are about to become foster parents. This isn't a complete answer, but it's a beginning.